Only 13 blogs in, and I’ve already offended someone…my husband. There is no part of me that desires to hurt any human. My entire life has been in dedication to improving the lives of the people I love. So you can imagine my horror when my husband wrote to me, “I’m so disappointed that your expression of self has to tear others down.”
If that is what I’m doing here, I humbly apologize. Be assured that was not my intent. I took classes to prepare for starting this blog. I also read and researched numerous blogs online, for content and relatability. The one thing I found most prevalent in successful blogs was the openness and honesty of the bloggers. My overall assessment was that a blog is basically the technological equivalent of reality TV, except you get to choose your initial audience. If you’re reading this, I’ve chosen you as part of my original audience. Please share your thoughts with me. Do I sound like I’m trying to tear people down?
My goal in writing this blog is threefold. First of all, I write with the intent of offering comfort. We have much to learn from all experiences in life, good or bad, and sometimes it helps to know someone else has ‘been there, done that.’ If I only write about good things, what help will that be to the person who is trying to survive the bad? Facebook seems a better platform for projecting a fairy tale existence. From my perspective, saying that my husband and I don’t always show each other our best selves, is a statement that may be true for many. And giving an example makes it real. I have received comfort through the writings of others for many, many years. I had hoped to ‘pay it forward,’ so to speak.
Secondly, I write with the intent of growing my platform for the (hopeful) publication of my novel. My book is about a woman, a new empty nester, who is getting ready to jump into the second chapter of her life when she finds she has tested BRCA1 positive, a test taken at the behest of her sister’s doctor; the sister who is currently dying of breast cancer. Facing her own mortality, she embarks on a tumultous 12 month journey of self discovery; completely re-evaluating her familial and religious ideals, which leads to daring escapades and reckless behavior. In order to successfully build a platform for that book, it seems only right that I explore the human condition with complete honesty.
And last, I am writing this blog because I find that at 56, it is time for me to try to make my own dream happen. I have supported all of my family through their dreams. During the time we’ve been married, my husband was able to commit himself fully to climbing the corporate ladder, knowing his children were well loved and cared for while he traveled weekly. I have supported all of our children through college, their first cars, first apartments, first furniture, homes, children, divorce… I am writing because I love to write and want to live the remainder of my life as a writer. I have waited a very long time to dream and it feels reasonable to expect reciprocating support.
I don’t think my opinion is the only truth—it is just my truth. Someone else’s truth, my husband’s for example, may vilify me to some degree. I accept that. I own that. I’m not a perfect person by any means, but I am a person—someone with unrealized hopes and dreams; and I am finally dreaming.
This quote is my goal. Am I achieving it?